Arkansas Humor by Ed Burns

February 22, 2010 by danfeuer
Filed under Bay Views

My Rules

We live our lives according to many Rules. actually there are a lot of them. They may be called Laws, Ordinances etc. but they are still Rules.

The Federal Government has many laws/rules they demand we abide by. Each State and County also have rules that we must adhere to less we get into trouble, usually resulting in a jail stay or a fine. I have no problems with most of the rules; without law and order we would have chaos. But remember, there are rules and there are generally exceptions to these rules.

If that isn’t enough rules for us to live or generally guide our daily lives, I have (over the years) established my own set of rules. I try to live by them and advocate my family and friends do the same. Allow me to pass a few of them along to you now. Ready?

Rule No.

1.If it ain’t broke, don’t try to fix it.

2.When cooking, use salt sparingly. You can always add more if you wish but you can’t remove salt after the food is cooked.

3.When buying pants, if in doubt get them too long. You can always hem and shorten the legs but it’s almost impossible to add to the length.

4.Three socks are no better than two. Ha.

5.When ordering food at a restaurant order the smaller servings. If that doesn’t fill you up you can always order more. But they won’t refund you for what you leave on your plate.

6.When you are at a fast food restaurant always order the small drink. Usually you can get free refills.

7.I would never live in a place that requires a taxi for me to get around town.

8.Always use common sense, it will make you look very smart to others.

9.Take care of your pennies and the dollars will take care of themselves.

10.Buy only the items you “Need” not the things you just “Want.” Or at least, get the things you need first. Most people can’t distinguish the difference.

11.Remember, He who does nothing makes no mistakes.

12.If you tell one lie, you will probably be required to tell two more to back up the first.

13.If you find a penny on the ground bend over and pick it up. If you don’t, God will see you and think that you don’t need any money and you may not get any more. (My father told me this fable when I was a small kid.) I’m not sure that it’s true but why take a chance. I always pick them up.

14.That’s about all the space I have for “My Rules.” If you agree with a least two of them, I will be happy.